My answer: An understanding of mortality.
As children we don't really have a firm understanding of life and death. We do things without giving it a second thought, not even worrying once about the repercussions. We think that we are invincible! Example: when I was little I would take the swings off of the swing set. I would climb up to the top and hang from the bar and attempt to do a 'cherry bomb' off the top (cherry bomb is when you swing by your legs and do a back flip off the bar). After the combination of falling a couple times and about giving my poor mother a heart attack I was enrolled in gymnastics to learn how to properly tumble and do flips. I never once gave it a thought that I could get hurt. I just viewed it as something fun to try.
When I was little I loved to fly especially when there was lots of turbulence, go on roller coasters, go fast in cars, create ramps to roller blade off of, etc. I LOVED storms, the louder and crazier they were the happier I was. I would get my best sleep at night during a good storm. I never once worried about the devastation that a storm could cause.
With age came a better understanding of life and death and a respect for how precious life truly is. I no longer think that I am invincible. In fact, sometimes I think the complete opposite. Last nights storm had me worrying about, 'what if a tornado hit', 'what if a tree fell on our house', 'what if', 'what if', 'what if'. On our drive home from Florida over the weekend we passed a terrible accident and immediately I was thinking, 'what if that had been us', 'what if we had left 15 minutes earlier'. I tend to think 'what if' a lot.
As all these thoughts raced through my mind I thought I was going to lose my mind. As crazy as it sounds I think I worry because I feel like I have a lot to potentially lose. In my eyes I have a wonderful life- a loving husband, an amazing family, two great dogs, health, a gorgeous house, a stable job, and eventually want to raise a family. Hubs and I are truly blessed with all that we have but occasionally it leaves me worrying about what could be taken away.
After playing psychiatrist for about half an hour I finally realized that I was being ridiculous. I cannot go through life worrying about the 'what ifs', I will drive myself nuts! Many of the things that I worry about are so minor when looking at the big picture (ie- basement flooding, losing power, etc.). So I did what I should have done in the beginning, I prayed. I prayed that God would watch over us and protect us. I prayed that He would give me inner peace and strength to trust in His plan. It may sound corny but I truly did feel calmer after praying. My heart was no longer racing and I no longer had 'what ifs' racing through my mind.
Hope everyone has a great Tuesday! Hopefully a drier Tuesday! :-)